The current divorce rate in the U.S. exceeds 50%, not an encouraging statistic. When a couple makes the decision to marry, they don’t anticipate divorce. They are bright and hopeful of living together in love and happiness, ’til death do us part’. Why is it, that people who believe they’ve found their ultimate happiness with another person, end up in a troubled relationship some time down the road? Did they not know their marriage partner well enough? Have the vagaries of life laid insurmountable problems before them? Troubled relationships are far more common than you might suppose. Sad, but, unfortunately true. If you feel you’re living in a nightmare relationship, with seemingly no way to resolve the issues, please read on.
What are the signatures of a troubled relationship? A lack of productive communication tops the list. Couples often fall into the trap of communicating in an unproductive manner, becoming adversaries rather than partners. This is usually indicative of a lack of respect for each other. For example, one partner may become overly critical of their spouse, focusing on minor and inconsequential issues. Perhaps you don’t like the way your partner dresses. You make comments and your partner is angered and feels humiliated. You respond with a dissertation on your partner’s penchant for spending too much time on a hobby. This is unproductive communication. Yet, it can become so much a part of your daily interaction that you don’t even notice the seriously troubled relationship that eventually develops.
Do you find that you fight constantly? If you’ve not seen the movie, ‘Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf?’, consider renting this classic. Virginia, played by Elizabeth Taylor, opposite her professor husband, Richard Burton, is obsessed with her fictitious child and what might have been. Both of them participate in constant fights and vindictive arguments, all predicated on the supposed existence of a child they could never and did not have. Virginia’s obsession was hidden and the professor sought to both hide her tragedy, while defending his own sanity. If you find yourself in a seemingly troubled relationship, consider how you got there. The truth may not be easily found.
Another factor to consider in the troubled relationship also relates to the Virginia Woolf syndrome. Is your relationship built on opposite end games? Are dependent on your partner to furnish some reason to be? Is your partner? You need to make an honest, objective analysis of what each of you expect out of the relationship. Mutual dependency is not the answer. Honest communication can help you to resolve issues. While this discussion may be painful to both parties, getting the issues out in the full light of day may provide the means to resolution in your troubled relationship.
Is the relationship a matter of convenience, being unwilling to call it quits out of a habit for the status quo? Here’s where truly honest communication comes into play. You loved this person when you married them. What has changed the picture? Do exterior problems color your relationship? Is someone out for vengeance? Has a lack of mutual trust developed? Why? Life can dish out many a trouble. You owe it to yourself and your spouse, to ferret out the reasons for your troubled relationship.
It’s important to remember that you both have invested time and faith in your relationship. Communicate as honestly as you can. Remember how you once felt about one another. Make your best effort to restore what once was.
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